He's Not Kevin
by trufflesun
Summary: "It's all right,"he said,"What happened to you?" "I just want to forget,"I said,"And you don't want to know." Michelle is Ponyboy's girlfriend of three months. She doesn't trust him, she can't. What are his motives, what is he planning?
1. Chapter 1

Note: **_bold italicized words indicate Michelle's thoughts and memories._**

Michelle's POV

I was in the kitchen of the house we lived in, in New York. It was a rather large house. I had just moved in with my boyfriend, Ponyboy, and I had no where else to live. Ponyboy could afford it because he was an accomplished author. He wrote his first novel, The Outsiders, about 10 years ago, when he was 18. We'd been dating for a little over three months now. I met him at a book signing, and somehow got the courage to start up a conversation. He was the one who asked me to go get a coffee with him. He seemed so much better than my ex-boyfriend Kevin. Nicer, and sweeter. I didn't know what his intentions were, I haven't known him long enough. Will he come home one day, pissed off drunk and knock me unconscious, like Kevin did? Kevin...that bastard! It's his fault I had to leave my home city of Boston. Ponyboy doesn't know about Kevin yet.

Lost in my thoughts, I dropped my glass cup on the ground._** God, I'm so clumsy**__. _I knelt down to pick up the glass as I heard the front door open.

**_Great_**, I thought, _**He's gonna be pissed**__!_

**_"You fucking bitch", Kevin slapped me,"I pay good money for this shit and you just break it!"_**

**_"I'm sorry", I begged,"It was an accident! I..."_**

**_He slammed my head against the counter. My lip cracked open and bled. I just lied there and cried..._**

No, no more memories. Ponyboy walked in the door. There was a look of genuine concern and confusion on his face. He didn't look drunk, so I approached him slowly.

Ponyboy's POV

Michelle's face was pale as she approached me. There was fear in her eyes. She looked like she'd just murdered someone.

"I'm sorry", she said,"I didn't mean to do it."

"What did you do,"I asked calmly.

"I dropped a glass cup,"she started,"It fell to the ground and broke. I picked it up."

"Were you hurt,"I asked.

"No,"she answered,"But I broke your cup."

"Who cares", She winced,I didn't know I'd almost been yelling. I calmed my voice, "It's just a cup."

Why was she afraid of me? Every time I tried to touch her, she'd flinch. She cringed when I raised my voice even a little, or when she thought I was angry. Anger. Had someone taken their anger out on her?

Michelle's POV

Ponyboy walked toward me. I closed my eyes, here it comes. He was...hugging me?

**_"Did you like that babe,"Kevin said. I was crying. I nodded. If I said no, he'd do it again._**

**_"Don't cry,"he said, and wrapped his arms around me. He started kissing my neck. No, no, no.._**

"No", I shouted, then opened my eyes. I was back in the living room,"Oh. Sorry."

He grinned halfheartedly. There was hurt in his eyes. He started to walk away.

"Pony..", I started. He turned around.

"Don't worry about it,"he said,"It's all right."

He walked up to his room. Were those._.tears._.in his eyes? I didn't think this was hurting him. I didn't even think how he felt. He'd been so honest with me, telling me everything about him. Why did I keep secrets? I wanted to tell him, I really did. But every time I tried, I heard Kevin's voice warning me to keep my "damn mouth shut". I couldn't keep this a secret any longer. I was going to tell him. I walked toward his room. Bedrooms. I haven't been in one with a guy since...no, push it out of your mind.

Ponyboy's POV

She hates me. That's why she's so cold towards me. I cared greatly for Michelle, but she clearly didn't feel the same. She didn't even want me to hug her. Maybe she's planning on breaking up with me. I hoped not. Just then, she knocked on the door, interrupting my thoughts.

"Come in,"I said. The door opened. Michelle stood there.

"Pony, we need to talk,"she said,"I need to tell you something."

"What is it,"I asked, already knowing.

The breakup. Here it comes.

"I don't know how to tell you this,"she started,"but.."

"You're breaking up with me,"I finished.

"What,"she was surprised,"No."

"Then, why are you so distant,"I asked,"Are you scared of me?"

"No it isn't _you_,"she answered.

"Then what is it,"I asked.

She spoke the next word, a name, with pure hatred and fear:"Kevin."


	2. Chapter 2

"My ex-boyfriend,"she said,"Well, ex fiance. I was going to marry him. I loved him, or I thought I did."

"What happened", I asked.

"After dating him for a while,"she said,"He showed his true colors. He came home pissed off and drunk and beat me unconscious. He apologized afterward and said he wouldn't do it again. But it was a lie."

"How long were you dating him,"I asked,"Before.."

"About three...four months,"she said.

That's how long we've been...then it hit me. She's been walking on eggshells, trying not to upset me, afraid that one day I would snap and explode at her like Kevin. I would never hurt anyone, especially not Michelle.

Michelle's POV

He invited me to sit on the bed. I hesitated.

_**"Come here,"Kevin snapped. I turned to look at him. He sat on the bed with that familiar look in his eyes. Lust. I had to listen. If I said no..**_

I looked at Ponyboy. He was smiling sweetly at me, eyes filled with compassion. Not lust. Maybe it was safe. I walked over and sat next to him.

"I don't get angry much,"he said,"But if I do, I won't ever take it out on you. I won't beat you like Kevin did."

He grabbed my hand and held it in his. I leaned in and kissed him. He started kissing my neck, I kissed him back. He started leaning me back and..

Ponyboy's POV

Michelle whimpered. I stopped and sat up. She was crying.

"What's wrong,"I asked,"Are you okay?"

She wiped off her tears and nodded.

"You could've just told me to stop",I said,"I would've."

She just looked at me, saying nothing.

"Why were you crying,"I asked.

She looked away, as if ashamed.

"I..I'm sorry,"she muttered,"I couldn't give you what you wanted. Don't be mad."

_Why is she talking like this?_

"Don't be sorry,"I said,"You're not ready. I'll wait, I promise."

"Really,"she asked.

Michelle's POV

"Of course,"he assured me.

_**Why didn't he hit me like Kevin? Dammit, he's not Kevin! I know he isn't. But I can't get Kevin out of my head.**_

"I want to trust you,"I said,"I really do. But...I just..can't. I'm scared."

"It's all right,"he said,"What happened to you?"

"I just want to forget,"I begged,"And you don't want to know."

I got up and walked out the door.

"Where you going,"he asked.

"The living room,"I said.

I sat on the couch in the living room.

**_ How could I tell Ponyboy? How could I tell him that Kevin had raped me more than once? How could I tell him that Kevin forced me into prostitution to make extra money (and he made a lot)? He'd think i was a whore. How could I tell him that Kevin beat me to a pulp when customers didn't pay. He'd think I was weak. How could I tell him Kevin beat me for every little mistake I made. And I let him, stayed with him. He'd think I was stupid._**

I lied down and closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes. Ponyboy stood above me. He pulled me up off the couch. I stood up.

"What do..,"I started.

He punched me. I fell on the ground. My nose was bleeding.

"Shut up,"he slurred.

I closed my eyes. He started kicking me. He took my arm and twisted it until it snapped. Pain shot through my arm. I screamed. He put his hands around my neck.

"Michelle,"A voice said,"Michelle wake up!"

I woke up. Ponyboy was standing above me. I covered my face.

"Please,stop,"I begged,"You already broke my ."

"I didn't break your arm,"he was confused.

I removed my hands from my face. There was no blood. Both arms were functional, no pain.

"I had a bad dream,"I said.

"What about,"He asked.

"You..you were standing above me,"I said,"Like right now. Then you pulled me off the couch and punched me in the face. I fell on the ground and you started kicking me. You twisted my arm until it broke. Then I screamed, and you put your hands around my neck."

"I tried to kill you?"He was shocked,"I would never do that. To anyone."

_**He won't hurt you. Just trust him. But I can't. He hasn't hurt you. Yet. But he could. Probably not. But he might. He's not Kevin. I know that.**_

He sat next to me. I lied my head on his shoulder and started to cry. He put his arm around my shoulder.

"I'm sorry it took so long to tell you,"I said,"About Kevin."

"You were scared,"he said,"I understand."

_**You don't know the half of it. Just tell him. No, I can't. Why not? He'll hate me. He'll kick me out, leave me**_.

"You need to know something,"I said suddenly.

"What's that,"He asked.

"Don't hate me,"I said,"If I tell you."

"I could never hate you,"he said.

"Kevin got me pregnant once,"I started,"The baby was never born. It never had a chance. I..I murdered it."

"You mean,"He started,"You had an.."

"No,"I said,"I wanted the baby, but I didn't know what Kevin would do. I went to the doctor and he confirmed that I was pregnant. I went home to tell Kevin. But before I could, Kevin started beating me. He was mad about...something..I don't remember. He threw me down the stairs. I went to the doctor the day after and.. the baby was dead. When Kevin found out, he said it was my fault the baby died. That I'd murdered it."

_**I remembered why Kevin was mad that day. How could I forget? Kevin was mad because I couldn't get any customers.**_

He looked shocked.

"That bastard,"he exclaimed,"he killed an innocent baby and calls YOU a murderer?! You're not a murderer, he is!"

"He blamed me for a lot of things,"I said, it was the truth,"It took me so long to start dating again. Two years. Then I met you."

_**Tell him. Tell him Kevin sold you for money. What would Ponyboy think? What would he DO? Would he...sell me too? Probably not. God, I hope not. What does he want? What is he planning? I wish I knew.**_


	3. Chapter 3

I kept having nightmares almost every time I went to sleep for the next two months. Most of them were about Ponyboy doing the same things to me as Kevin. I told Ponyboy about the dreams. Not all of them, though. I didn't tell him about the ones where he sold me into prostitution. I just told him that I didn't remember them. He seemed to understand, and didn't pressure me about it.

One day, I was in the kitchen when Ponyboy came home. He ran over to me and slapped me.

"I know what you did,"He yelled and slapped me again,"You whore!"

**_He knows!_**He grabbed my hair and pulled me toward the bedroom.

"You said you'd wait,"I said quietly.

He banged my head against the wall in the hallway.

"I'm tired of waiting,"He shouted.

He pulled me into the bedroom and shoved me onto the bed. He was smiling evilly. I screamed. He put his hand over my mouth and leaned really close to my face.

"You keep your mouth shut,"He yelled,"And don't fucking move!Or I'll kill you!"

I nodded.

"Let's see how good you are in bed,"he said.

My arms were pinned down. He punched me every time I struggled. I stopped struggling. I couldn't move, there was too much pain. He started ripping-literally, ripping-my clothes off.

Ponyboy's POV

I heard a loud scream from my room. Michelle. She must be having a nightmare. I ran to my room. I let her sleep in my room, while i sleep on the couch. She got really timid when I was in the same bed as her. I can't imagine why. Michelle lay on the bed struggling and thrashing against some invisible force. I decided to wake her up.

"Michelle,"I said,"Michelle,wake up! Michelle!"

She wouldn't respond to my voice. I decided to gently shake her awake. When she awoke, she saw me. Her face went sheet white and she shook with fear.

Michelle's POV

I sat up. Ponyboy was shaking me. I panicked and shoved him away.

"You bastard,"I shouted,"How could you?!"

He was confused. "What,"he asked.

"You were going to..."I stopped.

He said he would wait. But then he...but he didn't. It was a dream_**. I'm so selfish! How could I accuse him like**_** this?**

"Never mind,"I said.

"You hate me,"He said,"Don't you?"

"No,"I said,"Of course not! I.."

_**Say it! Say you love him! It's the truth, isn't it? Of course I love him! He's kind, charming, attractive,sweet...**_

"Yes,you do,"He said,"You're just scared to break up with me. You can leave if you want. I won't ever..bother you again."

_**Tell him! I can't! If you don't, then it's over! But I love him! So TELL him!**_

"Ponyboy, Listen,"I said and grabbed his hand before he could leave,"I didn't realize how much this was hurting you. Keeping these things secret is killing me. I didn't tell you everything about Kevin. He did...things...to me."

"You can tell me,"He said,"You can trust me."

I sighed. I told him about the dream i had.

"I didn't tell you how Kevin got me pregnant,"I said,"Or why he beat me that day."

"Huh,"He asked,signaling for me to continue.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.


	4. Chapter 4

"Kevin raped me,"I said,"It wasn't the first time. And it DEFINANTLY wasn't the last. It was like a game to him. A punishment. Another thing to humiliate me with. Even when I said no, he did it anyway. My words didn't matter to him."

I couldn't look at Ponyboy. I was ashamed.

"What about when he beat you,"He asked,"While you were pregnant?"

"He beat me because,"My voice was cracking,"I wasn't getting any..customers."

"Customers,"He asked.

I looked right into his eyes.

"Ponyboy,"I said,"He. Sold. Me."

He looked confused for a second. Then his eyes widened. He covered his mouth, looking like he was going to puke.**_ He's disgusted with me!_** I buried my head in my hands as tears rolled off my face. I couldn't face him. I was a whore and now he knew it._** I don't deserve him! People like me don't deserve love!**_ I ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

Ponyboy's POV

That bastard! That sick, fucking bastard! I felt like I was going to puke. I was completely disgusted, but not with Michelle. How could anyone do this to someone, especially Michelle. She was just so innocent, so fragile. But what was she to Kevin: some pawn, a toy, a doll to do what he wished with.

I ran to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"Michelle, please come out,"I said,"I'm not mad at you. Just come out here."

I remembered something I had in the bathroom._ Medicine. And shaving razors. Is she gonna..._

I hurried and found the bathroom key and unlocked the door. She was curled up on the floor, crying. She must've heard the door open, because she looked up at me.

"Don't look at me,"she begged.

"It's okay, Michelle,"I said,"I'm not mad."

She let me help her up.

"I don't deserve you,"She mumbled.

"What,"I asked.

"I don't deserve you,"She repeated,"I'm just a whore! people like me don't deserve love."

"You're not a whore,"I assured her,"Whatever he said to you, it's not true. He lied, he brainwashed you. Don't think any of this is your fault. How long were you with.."

"Two years,"she replied.

_My god! Two fucking YEARS with that son of a bitch?!_

She grabbed me and hugged me. She was crying even harder now, if that was possible.

"I wanted out so badly,"She said,"And then.."

"Then what,"I asked.

"He died,"she said,"I killed him..I..I shot him."


	5. Chapter 5

"You..what,"I asked,shocked.

"It was his gun,"she said,"He used it to 'keep me in line'. One day, he got really mad and picked up a knife. I thought it was just a threat, which he does all the time. But it wasn't, this was real. He stabbed me,right in the side. I knew he was going to kill me. I was starting to pass out from blood loss. Luckily, I saw his gun. I had no other choice. I'd hoped it was loaded, it was. I shot him, in the cursed at me and passed out on the ground. I called for the police and an ambulance, but he died before they got there. I was taken to the hospital. I was there for about a week, more or less. The knife didn't hit any vital organs. When I got out of the hospital, I had to go to court. I told the court everything he'd done to me, from beginning to end. The court ruled the killing as self-defense, on the account of domestic violence and all. I felt horrible that I'd killed him,I didn't want to. I just didn't want to die. Pony, I'm not a murderer. "

_Self defense, that rings a bell._

"I know you're not,"I said,"Is, that why you left Boston?"

She nodded.

"I couldn't handle it anymore,"she said,"The memories and the guilt were killing me."

I held her as she cried.

"Ponyboy,"she said.

"Yeah,"I asked.

Michelle's POV

_**Say it! Say it!**_

"I love you,"I said.

His darkened eyes brightened. He smiled.

"I love you too,"he said.

I kissed him. He kissed me back.

"Will you lay next to me,"I asked,"In the bed. I don't want to be alone."

"Of course,"he said.

He lied next to me in bed. He fell asleep before I did. He looked beautiful sleeping, absolutely stunning. I smiled and stroked his hair.

"Thank you,"I whispered,even though he couldn't hear me,"For everything."

"You're welcome,"He said groggily. His eyes were open slightly, and he was smiling.

I smiled back, and went to sleep.

Over the next week, Ponyboy continued to sleep in the bed with me. I started to trust him. I know he won't hurt me. One night, I couldn't sleep. Ponyboy stayed up with me. We were kissing, when I stopped him.

"Pony,"I said.

"Yeah,"He asked.

"I think I'm ready,"I said,"To.."

"Are you sure,"He asked.

I nodded.

"Yes,"I answered.

And i was.

He held me close as I leaned against his chest. I could feel his heartbeat. He stayed with me. He wasn't heartless and uncaring like the customers. He wasn't hateful and selfish like Kevin. He was gentle, and caring, and patient.

He's NOT Kevin. I know that now. He's NOT Kevin...he's Ponyboy.

"What's wrong,"he asked gently.

I realized that I was crying. Tears of joy, and relief.

"Nothing,"I said,"I'm just..really happy."

"Oh,"he said,and kissed my cheek,"Me too"

We stayed and talked until dawn. When the sun started to come up, we watched the sunrise together.


	6. Chapter 6

_two months later..._

_November 5, 1977_

_ I started going to therapy. It's been a month now. The therapist is Dr. Shelly. She suggested that I started a diary or journal to express my feelings. First, I love Ponyboy. It took me so long to trust him because of what Kevin did. I know it's been two years, but the memories are so extremely vivid. I tell Ponyboy everything now._  
_ I don't have nearly as many nightmares now. When I do, I am comforted by him. He tells me it will be okay, and I trust him._  
_ I've been waking up sick lately. I made a doctor's appointment for later to see what's wrong._

I went to the doctor later that day. I repeated my symptoms to the doctor.

"Michelle,"the doctor said,"what you are describing sounds like the classic symptoms of pregnancy. Is it possible you could be pregnant?"

I nodded.**_ Why didn't I think of that?!_**

"If you would like,"he said,"You could take a pregnancy test."

"Yes,"I said,"Please."

I took the test. As I waited for the results, I wondered how Ponyboy would handle this if I was pregnant._** Would he marry me? Would he leave me? He wouldn't. Not after all we've been through.**_

The doctor came back with the test results.

"Michelle,"he started.

Ponyboy's POV

_What's taking her so long? I hope she's not sick or hurt. What if she got mugged or got in a car wreck... _I was worried about Michelle. She'd been sick everyday for the past couple weeks. I suggested she go to the doctor.

I thought about marrige. I wanted to marry Michelle one day, even have children. Someday. We have time, I'm only 28, and she's 27. _Were we ready? I have the money, the resources, but no experience. _

Michelle walked in the door. She was crying. She saw me and smiled.

"What's wrong,"I asked,"Are you sick?"

She shook her head.

"No,"she said.

"Then what's wrong,"I asked,"Why are you crying?"

"Pony,"she said,"I'm pregnant."

Ho...Ly...Shit. My jaw dropped. I couldn't move.

"Is it,"I asked,"Mine?"

Why the hell did I just ask that?

She giggled.

"Of course it's yours,"she said,"Silly."

I nodded and laughed nervously.


	7. Chapter 7:EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE

...

4 months later..

...

Michelle's POV

Ponyboy and I went to Tulsa for the wedding. When we got there, I met Ponyboy's brothers, Darry and Sodapop, and and his friends, Two-bit and Steve. Ponyboy told me that he'd offered to move them to New York, but they refused. This was their home, and they couldn't leave. Ponyboy didn't want to leave either. He visits them during the summer and Christmas and calls them all the time.

When Darry met me, he said,"bout time this kid uses his head" and ruffed Pony's hair. This made me laugh. Darry was married to a woman named Kendra. They'd been married for three years, since he was 30. Sodapop hadn't married yet. Ponyboy said that Soda just started dating a couple years ago, that he was still messed up from the war. Steve lived in his own house. "It was the house that used to be Johnny's,"Ponyboy had told me,"His father killed his mother and went to jail. It was in the newspaper. About three years after Johnny bank took the house. Sold it real cheap."

Two-Bit was a hoot. When he met me, he simply plopped down next to me on the couch and put his arm around me.

"Hey babe,"he joked,"How 'bout we ditch this loser and run off to Mexico, huh?"

I laughed

"Ain't you married Two-Bit,"I said.

Two-Bit wasn't married, but he was dating. And he'd adopted a child. An orphaned 5 year old boy named Dylan. "I can't believe it,"Ponyboy had said once,"Two-bit, adopting a child! Never would've thought of him as 'responsible'!"

"Nah,"he said,"I ain't married. come on. Get your stuff, we're leaving tomorrow!"

I laughed.

"Trying to steal my fiance, two-bit,"ponyboy joked.

"maybe,"he replied.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Two grown men, fake arguing, like children. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe.

...

..

.

I could really get used to these people.


End file.
